vixen2venus

 hey. 2 6 / 0 3 / 2 5  i'm in a weird place (when am i not?) well, I think I've decided when planning out the course of my life (meaning the next two years) and I know that I want and need to be happy, and I can't be happy if I'm chained to past misfortune and mistake. i wanna be free don't you? the truth is, although freedom is the end goal, there's some that will never be free because they're far too timid to try. I vowed since a small child that I will never end up like that. I know we don't know each other too well but promise me this; you will never plead for permission to live your life. The validation of others could never amount to the soft clouds of consolation that surround once you find validation within yourself - the first step to true self love. I know what I need to do, and I will strive to obtain it.  Freedom is all I seek. A release is all I ask. All I really want is the ability to succeed, don't you? To have this, we'd need the ...

  (1800-VIXEN-2-VENUS) call for confession. ... hello? a crave & a confession is enough to make a vixen listen. (for the time being, at least). Well, lately i've been feeling strange. I can't blame it on the moon, or my cycle (which syncs with the lunar cycle, regardless of the myth), I'm unsure where this can go and usually I can predict & prepare for episodes like I read the cable schedule.  I wish for a lot of things; I wish to be good at what I love and what I'd love to love, so when I can't write it's my deepest heartache. I wish to reach all my short-term, long-lived goals. I lack motivation but never determination, and I recognise feasibility in these wishes. But in my mind, all I fantasise, all I think about constantly, is love, and adoration. I know this makes me susceptible to falling into rabbit holes finding wonderlands - the very nature of the city; but I'm not concerned. I just wanna be loved.  It's hard to admit but I confess how m...

 i wouldn't want to state I was born under damnation, fated to doom.  . . . I entertain the idea that the night of fire, painting various hues in the sky, held a moment of peaceful silence inviting a beacon of innocence into this world. So out of respect, my acknowledgement mentioned. ~~~ I find solitude in thrill, the silence when it's passed is painfully deafening. In this cycle spun slowly but just fast enough, I lie in my misted hotel replaying the director's cut. digression : i love thriller movies. films from the late 70's and 80's. psychologically twisting with a dimmed atmosphere, vehemently compelling.  All I really do when I'm alone is sit still, rowboat sailing slow. The fog is strangely comforting, it spreads like eternity.  Allow me to capture my thoughts as if they were polaroids from forgotten nights, of ceremonial attire and tied roses to be reminisced.  When the body is fatigued and mind is blurry, the feeling of 'lost' is welcomed as th...

...you ever had a need beyond fundamental necessity? A need in which deprivation of such causes a reaction similar to that of severe dehydration and the inability to function like before. With focus on the intensity rather than principle, I'm skeptical if this feeling is shared by the majority, or if it can be felt by many others.  I covet climax, I envy ecstasy.  The insatiability of my appetite is indelible. I don't succumb to my urges so easily, especially over the influence (and under the moon). I search for immediate hindrance when I feel it start to rise, but there's a violent obstruction in my movements when it is out of reach. I run into the back of an alley, with no way to turn, nothing to do but climb, and limbs energised and weak.  Be not afraid. I'm not a figure to fear so deeply. At times I admit I wish my frame was inviting, guess isolation was simply God's plan. But I digress. The paths over hills in the valleys of my mind are alluring, yet the wildfl...